The John Palm Show

Imagine that you’re 95 years old, on your deathbed. But before you take that last breath, you get a wonderful gift: the ability to go back in time and talk to the younger you who’s reading this story right now and help that younger you have a better career and , more important, a better life.

What would that wise 95-year-old tell you to do?

Now listen closely because this is the best career coaching you’re ever going to get: Whatever you think that 95-year-old would urge you to do, DO IT. Starting now. When the time comes, you want that 95-year-old to be proud of you. If he/she says you were a success, you were. Trust me, of all the performance appaisals you’ll ever have, that’s the only one that really matters.

• I believe that men and women have equal talents, abilities and potential as long as the men are fairly petite with lots of allergies.
• I believe that women should receive higher pay for equal work because we owe them “retribution money” for doing all that laundry.
• I believe that men should have the equal opportunity to stay home, learn to cook, be with the kids and visit with friends.
• I think women who spend their time making a home for their families deserve respect for the job they are doing and should not be shamed by other feminists.
• I favor the equal opportunity for women to be miserable in the work force for 30 years as well as the equal opportunity to dream of retirement from that sucky job.
• I think promotions in business should be based on talent and not on “how smart she looks in glasses”.
• I will not open your door.
• I am a proud feminist.
• Please be my mistriss so I can stay home and do laundry.

Once a month I pick a day to stay in my pajamas ’til noon. As I melt back into the Massage Lounger 4000 Deluxe, my coffee seems to taste better, the poptart sweeter and the newspaper contains only good news. Just as my body is engulfed in the waves of pleasure I am interrupted by those bitter words: Sir, this is a store and I’m going to have to ask you to leave.

I boldly ignore my Brookstone nemisis to savor the last few minutes of Pajama Day… for mall security is on the way.

Early to bed and early to rise, keeps Starbucks in the green.

Early to bed and early to rise, makes your boss wealthy and wise.

Early to bed and early to rise, thanks to my double dose of Ambien.

AMBIEN is a treatment option you and your healthcare provider can consider along with lifestyle changes and can be taken for as long as your provider recommends. Until you know how AMBIEN will affect you, you shouldn’t drive or operate machinery. Be sure you’re able to devote 7 to 8 hours to sleep before being active again. Sleepwalking, and eating or driving while not fully awake, with amnesia for the event, have been reported. If you experience any of these behaviors contact your provider immediately. In rare cases, sleep medicines may cause allergic reactions such as swelling of your tongue or throat, shortness of breath or more severe results. If you have an allergic reaction while using AMBIEN, contact your doctor immediately. Side effects may include next-day drowsiness, dizziness and headache. It’s non-narcotic; however, like most sleep medicines, it has some risk of dependency. Don’t take it with alcohol.

Please see additional important information. Please refer to the full prescribing information.